I am a P_nis Whisperer

Parenting books do not tell you that your boy child will, from birth, occasionally have a response that makes a mother feel the need to clarify the nature of her arrangement with her infant son. “Whoa there little dude! Don’t get too excited. It’s just a diaper change.” (They don’t tell you about little girls trying to insert things in places that they shouldn’t be aware of yet either.)

At first they think it’s just a random phenomenon. But then comes the day when they reach down there and grab in just the right spot and a grin of pleasure cracks over their little face as they realize they can make this feeling happen with their own two hands!

From that day on woe betide any attempt to tear asunder that which has been joined together. To remove said hands from the nether regions and fasten a diaper once more results in a battle of epic proportions while he screams bloody murder the whole time.

Trust me on this. Little boys keep their hands in their pants almost permanently for years after they finally master the toilet training thing and no longer have a diaper preventing constant access.

Bam Bam and I recently crossed that milestone into “epic battle for containment of the p_nis*” at every single opportunity and it was less than happy. At one point I even tried singing to distract him. “Yes you have a peeenis, and it’s very exciting. But the peeenis, needs to go awaaay!”

That worked, almost. He was startled at first into letting go, but resisted more strongly than ever once he realized what was up.

Finally one day I just told him, “It’s time to say Bye-Bye to your p_nis now. I have to put a diaper on.”

Imagine my surprise when he happily waved goodbye to his p_nis and allowed me to fasten his diaper. Except, every time I put on a diaper now he waves bye-bye to his penis, smiling at me. If I forget to say good bye to it too he will struggle and fight as before.

So several times a day you will find me cheerily wishing my one year old’s p_nis a fond farewell. It’s better than fighting over it, let me tell you.

* Alternate spelling used, not because I’m afraid of the word, but to keep the p_rnbots away from my site.

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