Dear Dr. Google

My kids are coughing, a lot. The Girl coughs so hard in the middle of the night that she occasionally vomits. They are wheezing and hacking and it doesn’t seem to be stopping.

So I consulted Dr. Google and here is what I have concluded they have.

Whooping Cough

The first symptoms of whooping cough are similar to those of a common cold.

After about 1 to 2 weeks, the dry, irritating cough evolves into coughing spells. During a coughing spell, which can last for more than a minute, the child may turn red or purple. At the end of a spell, the child may make a characteristic whooping sound when breathing in or may vomit. Between spells, the child usually feels well.

Or,

Bronchitis

Acute bronchitis most commonly occurs after an upper respiratory infection such as the common cold or a sinus infection. You may see symptoms such as fever with chills, muscle aches, nasal congestion, and sore throat.

Cough is a common symptom of bronchitis. The cough may be dry or may produce phlegm.

• The cough may last for more than two weeks. Continued forceful coughing may make your chest and abdominal muscles sore. Coughing can be severe enough at times to injure the chest wall or even cause you to pass out.

• Wheezing may occur because of the inflammation of the airways. This may leave you short of breath.

Or,

Croup

Croup is characterized by a harsh “barking” cough and sneeze, inspiratory stridor (a high-pitched sound heard on inhalation), vomiting, and fever.

or,

Lung Cancer

A cough that does not go away or gets worse over time.

Wheezing or hoarseness may signal blockage or inflammation in the lungs that may go along with cancer.

Repeated respiratory infections, such as bronchitis or pneumonia, can be a sign of lung cancer.

Obviously they are all on death’s door, my poor babies. Dr. Google is the harbinger of doom. The one thing they don’t have is swine flu, not enough symptoms match.

Still, it may be time to consult a real doctor.