It is 3:28am

There is a woman a friend and I have been praying with for a while now. She is dealing with some very difficult and sad things. Her story is actually very interesting, but, of course, is private. Later this morning she and 5 of her kids are coming here so we can pray together some more for some things that are current.

The baby is wide awake.

You see, Little has had nightmares the past two nights. I laid down with her last night, after she woke for the 5th time crying loudly and yelling, “Mommy, mommy, MOMMMY!” followed by, “I’m sorry mommy. I forgot what you said about coming to get you instead of yelling and waking everyone up.”

Tonight she did a great job. She got out of bed, walked into my bedroom, and whispered, “I want you to lay down with me mommy.”

The baby sleeping beside me was slightly awake and nursing. “I can’t now honey because the baby will cry if I leave him now.”

As the wail started to bubble out of her throat I added, “Come here and give me a hug first and tehn you can go back to bed to wait.”

Some time later I woke to realize she was fast asleep beside me, the baby was fast asleep on the other side. I rolled over, content to let her stay, until I realized that I was awake because Aaron was tossing and turning because she had her foot firmly in his back.

So I sat up, picked her up, and whispered, “It’s time t go back to bed sweetie. Let’s go.”

That’s when the baby started to squirm, let out a fart and a burp simultaneously and woke up. That’s when I knew it was over for me for a good night’s sleep but I tried anyway.

“Can you go back to your bed by yourself? The baby’s awake.”

The wail bubbles upwards again, “I want you to come with me.”

If I walk out with her the baby will most definitely cry and wake Aaron, who is probably already awake but maybe not. So I picked him up instead and quickly walked her to the door of her room and whispered goodnight.

That’s all it took to wake this little guy all the way up. Oh, we lay and nursed for a while, he burped some more, he even fell asleep once on top of me. I may have woken him up when my breathing changed when I started to feel oxygen deprived. This kid is getting heavy.

I was dozing though, as he nursed, and then the face grabbing started. There’s nothing like getting your eye grabbed in the dark by a chubby hand with limited muscle control. There are only so many times you can grab that hand and hiss, “No.” before it will wake the husband who is working 10 hour days with a body that’s in pain all the time.

So we are up. He is happy, loud, and crawling. I am tired, bleary eyed and cranky. Little just got out of bed again. I made her go potty, even though she always insists she doesn’t have to go. She could hold it til morning, but then she’ll wake up another 40 times. Of course, she is wanting t know when I’m going to lie down next to her. She doesn’t seem to think the two times this night that she has already fallen asleep next to me count. She is now crying loudly in her room and I can’t go to her without bringing a baby in who will wake up everyone else in there. Of course, if I leave her she will just keep crying loudly and wake up everyone all by herself. (I went in. Her tummy hurts. This is a legitimate complaint. She has worms. We’ve tried the herbal route. They are just subduing, not killing the things. Time for flagyl. But it’s exaggerated in order to get me to stay with her.)

The life and times of a mom, so very exciting, so very sleep deprived. No one tells you about the night juggling, the choices you will have to make so your family can sleep. Or at least, some of them, not you, you are always the last to sleep, the lowest on the sleep totem pole.

This, by the way, is the main reason for those seasons in our marriage when we have slept in different rooms and beds. Sometimes sleep trumps all, and you do whatever you need to to get it. I can get more sleep if I let the kids stay in bed with me than having to pop up 20 times a night. And Aaron can get more sleep in a different bed where those kids aren’t kicking him.

I”d like to tell you I’m counting my blessings right now, or treasuring the moment, but that would be a total lie. I like my sleep. I get angry when it’s taken from me. Though the kid is pretty cute, even at 4 in the morning.

This is a great start to a prayer session don’t you think?

Will you pray for me and the others? I and they will be needing it this day I think.

I was already a crabby enough mom yesterday. I’m reaching the end of my own strength, which is where I need to get it seems to remember to ask for the grace to kick in. Now would be good.