My Husband on Marriage

A while ago Aaron and I were listening to a podcast which was a debate on female roles in the church, and marriage, etc.

Totally not interesting to anyone who isn’t trying to fit their lives into the context of the Biblical narrative, I know, but a source of never ending conversation for those who are.

But we were talking about it after, because both sides seemed to be kind of missing the point.

At one point Aaron brought up the directive in the Bible for wives to submit to their husbands, and we started talking about why that might be in there if it wasn’t because of X, Y, and Z, all of which seemed to be stupid rationalizations of broken human behavior.

I asked him why he thought it was there then, and he didn’t answer right away. About an hour later he walked up to me and announced, out of the blue, “I think it’s because women are so much stronger than men.”

That made me laugh out loud, certain no one had ever framed the discussion in quite those terms before. Then I told him he ought to write a post about it, because it seemed others might appreciate his perspective as well.

I’ve been meaning to share the posts he subsequently wrote with you for ages.

Valentine’s Day, that day that claims to honor love but is mostly about people buying useless stuff they don’t need in order to not feel left out of some sappy romantic feelings, seemed a good day to talk about what real love entails, and requires, and how that looks in marriages.

So I give you Aaron’s posts. I think you will enjoy them.

You’re Not the Boss of Me

I’m Not the Boss of Me Either

This Boss Idea is Kind of a Load of Crap

I lifted something I wrote in the comments section to his first post and I’m putting it here as well. But you should read his posts first before you read it, I think, for context.

“You see, submitting is something I get to choose to do, or not, of my own autonomy. My husband doesn’t get to force me to do it. It’s something I choose, and it requires something of me in terms of sacrifice to be able to choose it. Thus the expectation that it takes strength to do so.

I can’t force my husband to love me either. By love I am not talking of feelings, but of the actions that consider my welfare and what is good for me in his choices for himself and our family. He gets to choose that, or not.

None of this is about who is in control, because we are only in control of ourselves in the end, if we are lucky, and work on it.

To me submitting to my husband means not trying to get my way all the time or force him to do things my way. It’s being honest about what I want and then choosing to trust my husband to make decisions with my welfare in mind.

It takes courage to do this. Fear would have me try to control and manipulate rather than trust, and this would destroy our relationship in the end. No one wants to feel controlled.

The command to submit I believe is the way a woman, should she obey it, has to let go of fear and choose to trust her husband which in turn allows him the freedom to love her and take care of her instead of fight her. It takes the battle out of the relationship.

In other words, to submit in a marriage is enlightened self interest and smart women the world over do it, whether they define it in such terms or not.”

What do you think?