10 months

You stand there in your bouncer, legs astride as though you are walking and I wonder, when did those legs get so long little boy? When did you get tall enough to reach over the coffee table and sweep everything off of it in a single motion? When did you start to crawl so fast that gates are needed everywhere and nothing is safe?

It seems like yesterday you were barely sitting on your own and maybe 2 days ago that you were a tiny newborn snuggled in my arms and why does time have to go so relentlessly in a single direction never stopping, never pausing to give me just a moment longer to smell your downy head and hold you close as a newborn.

You are fascinated by bottles.

You have 2 teeth, you are working on 2 more. You jump like you are on a mission and you tear things of of shelves and pile them on the floor.

You blow raspberries all the time and your shirts are constantly wet from drool.

Your square head and straight hair sticking up as you squint at me in the sunshine reminds me of every picture of my little brother, your uncle, when he was little. It squeezes my heart to think of the years in between those pictures and now, the pictures of him with his own little girl. Time will march on and take you with it.

You are always smiling. You love to meet people. You try to eat your favorites, especially other babies. You approach them as you approach life, mouth wide open, ready to receive whatever is good. You have tasted toes, and ankles, giving love bites to your family just like a puppy.

I hold you and you press your warm little forehead against mine, and we rub noses before you turn to nibble on my cheek and we press cheeks together, while I pop little kisses with my lips on the spot, just under your ear that makes you laugh, before doing the same to the back of your neck.

This is you excited. You rarely stay still.

You laugh when tickled, or surprise, you love it when your brother and sisters play peek a boo. You life is so full of other people who are so exciting and entertaining and you greet each of them with anticipation grabbing their faces, their noses, their hair, smiling triumphantly that you got them.

You crawl into the big kids bedroom at night in search of them. You want them to get out of bed and play with you. You will always be a social person, I can tell. Easy going, delighted by others, and happy to be in a crowd. You get restless and cranky when the kids go away and it’s just you and me, like you are worried that they are missing.

Fourth babies are so much different than 1st babies, that’s for sure. These months seem to have passed in a blur. I’m homesick already for the baby you no longer are, even as I look forward to the toddler you are becoming.

I’m trying to hold onto moments with my senses, the feel of your hair against my lips, running through my fingers, the sounds you make, the way you looked just then, even as I know that many will just slip right through my fingers like water, drowned in the now of who you will be next year, and the year after that. But still I try, because these days are precious, maybe the best ever. I love this season and I want to be more present in it because it’s almost over.

Love,
Mama