Little is 4

Four years ago this time I was staring at the rug in our apartment trying to decide whether or not to vacuum or lay down because I was going to have a baby sometime soon.

You surprised me you see. I thought I had 3 more weeks to get ready before you appeared. They were a busy 3 weeks too. The Girl’s birthday, Christmas, Hannukah at your Beema’s, New Years, and then a baby.

But you had other plans. You wanted to be here for all of those things I guess. So December 17th, 2006 I found myself walking to Target, in labor. I needed diapers, and birthday present for your big sister. And in a misguided moment I blame on labor hormones I bought an awful Hannukiah that I later returned.

I’ve been scrambling to keep up with you ever since.

Now you are 4. You are a big sister. Though you are still very Little.

I like your chirrupy voice, the way you come to hug me in the morning and say, “Good morning Mama.”

I like the way you are excited by simple things and the way you sound when you talk about them.

I like the way you tighten your jaw when talking to make a silly voice and do your funny little side to side waggle.

I like your awkward grammar and the way you use the words you know to say things you haven’t really got the words to say yet. I like how your words sound because you can’t pronounce r or l yet and replace it with w.

I like how you rate your day based on the feeling of the minute. You will hang your head and announce dolefully, “I’m not having such a good day mommy.”

Or you will chirp enthusiastically, “I’m having a GOOD day!”

You give all of us kisses. You giggle and glance sideways when you want to be tickled again, or chased or hugged.

Today we were talking about the blanket on Jellybean, the one your auntie made for you. “We should keep it mommy, and then when I’m a grown-up I can use for my when I have a baby.”

You have a little doll. Poor baby Rosie has been dragged everywhere. You decorate her with crayon, change her clothes, punish her when she is naughty, and practice being a mommy with her. You are so excited to grow up and take care of your own babies.

You take off Jellybean’s sock, and hats, and clothes. You wait to do it until I’m not looking. You think he is your personal dress up doll. You love him so much, like you love most kids your age or younger. You are just very social I think. You want everyone to be your friend and come and play with you.

When a little friend shows up at our house you take their hand and command, “Come, I”ll show you my toys.” then you lead them off to play. Sometimes they don’t like how in their face you are and will push or hit to get you to back off. But that doesn’t stop you much. You will try again later. You think our personal space talk is really entertaining though with all those big arms movements.

You love deeply, feel everything in the moment, and passionately engage whatever you are taken with.

You are joy bursting through a tiny body and voice. You are life barely contained inside your skin.

I love you dearly. You being here is a blessing to me.

Love,

Your mama