9 months

You are even cuter now than you were last month. I don’t even know how that’s possible, perhaps the degree to which I am smitten with you has just gone even deeper.

You walk. You have been walking, it was a race between your first teeth and your first steps, and your first steps won, by a long shot. You are cranky and restless and unhappy with the growths that begin to protrude through your gums but they are not yet through and you have the sleeplessness and terrible bum rash to prove it. When I get to heaven I’ve got some questions for God. Things like, “Why hair down there? It’s just, so uncomfortable.” and “How can it be fair that after all of this work pushing a baby out it’s like I get my period for an entire month?” oh and “Why isn’t life fair?”.
On that note I also want to know why little babies when they are already dealing with the pain of teething get the most terrible raw rashes on their tiny bums. Talk about adding insult to injury. I know now that nothing will really fix it, until your teeth stop growing, and then it will disappear like magic, never to return again. All of the creams, bare bottom times, and expensive diapers in the world won’t do much at all until those @##$#$(*&@$^(%*@&#&^ teeth are cut. (I never was very good at swearing.)

On to other things. This walking skill has been very exciting. For example, you have realized that you can cross the threshold and go outside. For months you have been content to sit in the entry way and watch the big kids play outside, but you didn’t venture out onto the mat. That all changed the day you saw the planter and thought in your little baby brain, “MMMMMM black stuff, ooh, feel it, it feels so wet and grainy, what does it taste like? I’ve got to get me some more of this, this is great, they’ve been holding out on me, oh look, there is a big wide world out here full of this stuff, must go and eat it all now, and perhaps roll around in it a bit just to feel it squishing, oh look there is my mommy I will smile at her real wide, isn’t this great? you should try this stuff I LOOOOOVE It. Here you want some? there’s plenty for everyone. Wait what are you doing? Why are you taking me away? Hey why are you washing my hands, oh man, now you’re sticking your fingers in my mouth, gross! no it’s mine, I was eating that, give me back my black squishy stuff. WAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!”

A day or two later, because I am still in the let the baby hang out at the door it will keep her quiet mode, I suddenly realized it was too quiet and I glanced out the window just in time to see you half crawling half walking your little behind out into the great wide world. While I watched you headed straight for the big scary concrete stairs that go all the way to the second floor and started climbing them. As far as I know it was the first time you had ever encountered stairs, and you just charged straight up them, until I peeled you off of the third stair. I bet you’d have gotten all the way to the top if I weren’t so afraid of what your head would look like if you fell all the way down them and put a stop to your exploring yet again.

I think it’s really funny and kind of heartbreaking the way you crawl a little closer to me and then stand up again with your hands in the air all the while yelling that I should pick you up right now, and if I can’t do it right away and have to keep walking past or away from you to put something down or to turn something off before I walk back over to, you start to sound frantic and move yourself closer yet again and stand again making yourself as tall as possible so you can be picked up. It’s like a gentle punch in the heart every time you use all of your strength to get your tiny self closer to mine and so desperately want me. You look so tiny and forlorn standing there with tears leaking out the corners of your eyes and your angry cry. “Can’t you see I want you to pick me up now damnit? Pay attention to ME!” (I am so sad that this picture is blurry because I love it so.)

You show your excitement by repeatedly patting/smacking me with your hand. It’s very little so it doesn’t hurt much, and so it’s mostly funny, just like the other things you do, but when my nipples feel like someone has used sandpaper on them and been punching them all night because you are MEAN when you are in pain, that’s less funny. But I forgive you.

I love the way that after smacking me you put you head on my shoulder and smile up at me, the picture of happiness. I wish I could make everything right in your world forever. I will soak up all of the time between now, and the day you realize I can’t, but I will be there for you to help you deal with it even after that.

I could say more, but I think I’ll let these pictures do the rest of the talking. Almost.

Here is where you fell asleep in the pool.

I’m a big girl now mom.

Hey, wait up!